I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
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