i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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