my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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