i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
