i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize