Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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