A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
