need another drink. this is the easiest way
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
