HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
