I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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