We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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