Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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