then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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