I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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