Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
