so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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