I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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