dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
