Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
