Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
