does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
