I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
