I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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