shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
