she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
