You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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