Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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