hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
operation have a gay friend backfired
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
