There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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