Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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