I accidentally burped into my bong.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
