A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
