Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
