so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
