no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
