Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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