Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
