how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
