I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
