So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
