I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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