he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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