the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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