Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(606): View more from Kentucky

are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

he breathalyzed me before we had sex.

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(906): View more from Michigan

I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.

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(806): View more from Texas

A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"

(501): View more from Arkansas

Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...

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(727): View more from Florida

how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

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(516): View more from New York

we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan

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(703): View more from Virginia

Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk

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(630): View more from Illinois

How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.

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