Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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