She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
