Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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