Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize