I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
