is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
