wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
