There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
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