I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
not ubering you a puppy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
