He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
