be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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