I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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