I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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