Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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