I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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