She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
