I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
