Duck Duck Cougar?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
