So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
