I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
