I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
