sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
