I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
