Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
