I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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