How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
