she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Dignity is for republicans.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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