im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
