Hey man sorry I got all grabby
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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